rude awakenings

I dread human contact. I absolutely hate it. I hate having to think of something to say, hate having to feign interest and sympathy. It's a stressful situation and I don't even know why. I guess it's the culmination of all my antisocial tendencies over the years. Once you get into a habit it gets harder and harder to change as time goes by. I've always been the shy one, the quiet one. The exception is my friends. I'm talkative and at ease with the people I like. I love my friends and I love having friends, but I dread making them. It's like it's too much effort to be worth it. All the awkward getting to know eachothers and stuff, I'd rather just avoid it completely. But it's getting me into trouble. People think I'm arrogant, too good to talk to them. Or that I hate them. Such is the case with my mother. She's been living at her parent's house, and so I rarely see her. That suited me fine, because less interactions the better. So whenever...

I wish you had a quieter way of dealing with your bad days. Instead of using everyone you see as a scapegoat so you can escape your load by heaving it upon the undeserving. I'd like to think I'm undeserving of your malice, at least. But you could very well be right. I could indeed be the daughter who doesn't make any effort to contribute to housely chores, the one who hates you, tries to make you miserable, ignores your hardships and who wants to run away to avoid helping you. Maybe you're right about everything. But that isn't the way I see it. The way I see myself is far from simple and far from resolute. It changes day to day, depending on my mood, the mood of others, and the weather. On the good days I see myself as an intelligent attractive young girl who knows what makes her happy in life. A girl with adventure in her veins and distant shores in her heart. A girl with passion and artistic vision and a loving heart. Someone kind and gentle and introverted, but ...