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Disamistade

It's always cold here, never enough heat
never enough light.
We're always squinting, our palms running along our arms.
We tried to stave the bitterness with hot liquids and closeness
but it's all momentary.
Constant clanging and crashing, trying to keep these surfaces clean
but we're so tired, all the time.
Can you feel those arms of dying, they're wrapped around this home
comprised of walls and hollow desperation.
There's a nagging comfort of solitude tied around my waist
the pictures all taunting, past frozen behind glass, hung with wire
on nails of time
always subjective to gentle torture.
It's days like these when I know I've gone nowhere.
How can I
This establishment, devoted to staying still
staying ill, pallid, lacking the sustenance of bliss
This is all I've ever known and it's got me
knots tied to my fingers,
string round my feet, legs, arms, head,
strung like a puppet.
I can't find happiness. Nobodies fault but mine.

x

The words mean half of what I'm saying
a great tip-toeing among the rows, between the lines
you may fill in the cracks if you wish

xx

You're always there. A grin on your face, a retort fresh off your lips
Your lips, your eyes, your fingers, sweeping the scraps of yesterday away
A way of forgetting, a new way of remembering reused feelings

xxx
Feeling safe here but I last felt safe in danger. It lead me to another end but I never thought I'd see it coming nor did I ever think. The lion fell in love with the lamb. Only question is, who held each role? It's all over now baby blue. I don't know what I want. Let me know. Tell me. Speak with a softer tone. I'm so afraid. Most things I worry 'bout, never happen anyways. I'm afraid to show you too deep. Maybe you'll back away. The words are thick and fall heavily, hard to move once they've slipped between these lips. I haven't decided where I'll put this. I'm too afraid, and I don't know why. I feel I'm below you. I'm used to difficulties and now that there are none I try to keep it that way. Sweep these characters beneath a rug, Silly notions. It's not worth it. What's worth and how do I label and distinguish? I do regardless of knowing the reasons. I don't know anything.
This is a mess. I'm a mess. apparently.

Comments

Sr. Arquiteto said…
In a world of giants we walk,
today, yesterday and finally tomorrow.
Me, in my way, not big as them.
Like a fish, trying to ride a bicycle, suffocating without my breathe in all of this.
Feeling no the arms of dying, but all the hands of massive ignorance and the voices of massive enterteinment that makes all of ours souls to scream.In my head, i get to sleep with them.
I won't dare to fill this cracks that you talk bout, i won't dare to understand all of your sorrow 'cause i don't. I understand that every pain and sorrow and sadness, is different from one to another.
Early, you were lost in a nostalgia memmorie, now you seem lost in a different space and time...i feel this way too though.
I'll find my way home.Just that.
"share the secrets that you kept in, 'cause it's cold inside" this is a truth isn't it?
Take care.
October 4, 2009 at 9:00 AM
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