i had the best dream last night. I was at my cabin with everyone that I loved. It was a wee mix between maekelburger village and my cabin, and my whole family was there Krista's family was all there, as well as petra and Marysia. It started off with being in a department store of fancy dresses and there were these really mean teenagers all prissy who were working there and my friend somehow stole one of the girls dresses and it was really funny. And then suddenly we were at a lake and we had this raft and we were saving certain animal from this really giant leech and we tried so hard to get this animal up onto the raft because we weren't sure if it was normally a water animal or a land animal. We finally got it out and it said thank you but then it went back in the water because it belongs in the water and it distracted the leach for us so that we could cross to this cliff down the lake. So when we got to this cliff, I know had been there before it was filled with huge semiprecious rocks that were unreal and did not look natural but they looked like they belonged there. So I climbed this cliff with Heather while such a Krista petra and dana took another way up to the top of the cliff. On my way I found this little pebbles that were so beautiful, they were 3-D, they were black with bright green in them or blue crisscrosses so I gathered a bunch up to give to petra, because she loved rocks. So we got to the top and we came into this cave like thing where it looked like a scene from the first Harry Potter with the big chess set. It looked like an old abandoned archaeological site. But then the cave turned into an attic and we were looking at old dollhouses until somebody came up and told us to come down for some reason. Maybe it was dinner time. So we went back To our cabin/houseboat thing. My mom was leaving, no everyone was leaving and I was left there alone so I went to my moms room and I found this jewelry box that was full with old photographs and jewelry and letters and I just spent forever looking through it all, until my mom came back and I just made out of her room and time, but she saw me come out but she didn't yell or get mad at me or ask me what I was doing in her room she just smiled and told me come downstairs because we were going swimming. So i went to put on my bathing suit but then I realized actually didn't have a bathing suit, but then suddenly a fire burst out in my room and Amanda's face was in it and she handed me a bathing suit and then the fire disappeared and I was left with a bathing suit. And then I woke up. And when I woke up I felt like it was Christmas just because I was so happy and so excited just to be alive. And it didn't matter that the snow was a foot deep in my yard because the sun was shining through my window.
I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...
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