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1111

November 6th 2011
11:11 PM
I wish that I’ll never have to come home to my father taking refuge in the cold garage in his black sweatpant and teeshirt after-work wear any more. I wish that for once things will be ok. That I wont need to recede into invisibility behind my closed bedroom door and pretend there isn’t a lion pacing its lair on the upstairs floor. I wish that I won’t need to cram my schedule full of extracurriculars so I can pretend this doesn’t exist and I am not a part of it. I wish I’d never be sad again. Never let the tears wield their terrible power over me. Never let them choke me and punch me in the gut until I can’t stand strait and I crumble. I wish I could be stronger; That I could be better with dealing with everything, and anything. I wish I could be simpler; Easier to understand, so that my partner could read me like a cook book. Find the right recipe to make me happy, and follow the simple steps. But I am Shakespeare to the high school drop-outs, I’m impossible to interpret without hours of mental input, and it drives so many away. I wish there was a spark notes for me. So the ones who cared could decipher, filter and figure me out. And I’d be simple again. I wish I had never grown out of make believe. Wish I could still cook recipes in the bird bath and drink from the hose when I got thirsty and escaped into a safe world. I wish my world was smaller. Wish I wasn’t aware of the horrors of humanity, the greed and the apathy that has driven our race into the mud. I wish I had more faith in myself. Wish I could share my thoughts in real time, instead of writing them down and hiding behind a poem in order to speak.
I wish for a lot of things. But I only need one wish to come true. for the strength to grant my wishes myself.

Comments

BlackRabbit said…
You do have the strength. Fear is what holds us back; fear of the unknown. It paralyzes us..
You have the strength. It's always been there inside you.
I DO understand the feelings you talk about. And I have learned the hard way -- the very very HARD WAY -- that only I can make my wishes come true.
You can't depend on someone else for your happiness; you will only be disappointed.
You are the only one who can make you happy. And until you are happy with yourself, no one else will be, either.
This may sound stupid to you, but reach out to your higher power. You don't need to be "religious" to be spiritual. Have faith.
I hope that helps. I really do get it. I really do.
November 7, 2011 at 9:08 AM
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