Today wasn't by any standards a particularly great day. Early mornings and snow, parking tickets, missing an interview, car dying on a busy street, getting stood up by a mentor. It was overwhelming and I admit I shed some tears, in the moment. But at the moment I am ok, I am at peace with the way things are because even though the day wasn't amazing, there were still some good aspects. Like the nice girl who helped me push my car, offered to drive me home and gave me a hug when she saw I was distressed. Like getting a call from Bernard Callebaut offering me a job at the same moment I lost the chance to work at a pet store. It's all about the little things, the positives, because if you don't keep your head up you're more likely to crash.
Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...
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