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what they say anymore

it must be so wonderful, so great to be so sure. to know without a doubt what you need in order to attain indesputable happiness. is it that easy for everyone? have i not found it yet? or am i simply unable of acheiving it? this is the reason i can't believe in fate. I am never happy, never completely satisfied. i could believe that there's the one person i'm destined for and continue searching for this ellusive home in vain, passing by mediocraty. maybe it's true, but i dont believe it. i would sacrifice perfectly copable existences and slander other's hopes because mine are too grand. but should i have to deal with anything less than perfect? but there's no such thing as perfect. there's always this endless quest for self betterment. props to those who have found it. maybe it was a mere fluke. or maybe they're just telling themselves its perfect, telling themselves to be happy. maybe i'm afraid of happiness. no, i'm afraid of missing opportunities, of failure, of a half-existence. I cant turn my back on any opportunity. i don't want to be ashamed of the life i'm living, i just want to live.
i am an emotional packrat.

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