after the rush when you come back down

I remember she would blame it on hormones. Raging teenaged hormonal imbalances. Silly, when you look at it like that. Only a bunch of chemicals shaping the way we view the day. All the problems seem so inconsequential when only simple molecules are to blame.
Not sure what happened, why I woke up in a slump. Nothing to blame, really. These things happen every so often.
Maybe there might be something the matter, but what does it matter? In retrospect I'm not the crippled one. I'm not the one who needs help. It's a complicated feeling. That I shouldn't be caught up in my own petty wallowings. That I need to put myself aside because I'm not as important. It's almost comforting, also confusing. It's true but it isn't but I don't even know.

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neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

Iwill be dragged through the slime and the mud

And I mean..I fucking love you. And I promise you it's gonna be okay. It always has and always will. Your heart is so warm and love so pure . There's so many perceptions of so many people Each with a different view, a different insight. I don't know if I can listen to anyone anymore. No one knows the raw core emotions that i keep well-guarded And I don't want anyone to know. I'm beginning to hate myself, hate the monster I feel growing. Please...someone make me believe I'm not damned for all time? Good-bye yellow brick road.

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

rude awakenings

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