The step was finally taken. And as the dust cloud partially receded the clarity of mind that followed was not welcomed. The gravity of the decision never quite weighed so hard. Here I am, starting a new chapter, alone. No one by my side unconditionally. The aspect of the greater good is so hard to follow, the suffering between now and the end is bitter and unrellenting. A large part of me was lost last night. a part that I never knew belonged to him. Ripped apart, to the deepest tissues of my being. Yet the strength, though nearly a feeble glow, will warm my frozen soul and battered heart.
i don't know what it is but i cant stand you anymore. maybe because I've been with you for 6 weeks straight. then i got two weeks of freedom, glorious freedom, and it's hard to come back to living in this house, with you, with whom i now associate all the wonderful memories of arguments that you could never bare to lose, the days spent waiting at each corner for you as you lagged behind inconsiderately taking pictures.
my friend told me last night, in alcohol fuelled praise, that you were real. that she had incredible respect for you. and i just couldn't agree. you're real only in the sense that you let us know exactly what is on your mind without bothering if it upsets us. but you don't take the time to listen to me, to consider my opinions, because everything anyone else thinks is completely illogical and a waste of time. you can't grasp that you're views aren't one size fits all. they don't work for everyone; especially not me. You can't...
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