i don't know what it is but i cant stand you anymore. maybe because I've been with you for 6 weeks straight. then i got two weeks of freedom, glorious freedom, and it's hard to come back to living in this house, with you, with whom i now associate all the wonderful memories of arguments that you could never bare to lose, the days spent waiting at each corner for you as you lagged behind inconsiderately taking pictures.
my friend told me last night, in alcohol fuelled praise, that you were real. that she had incredible respect for you. and i just couldn't agree. you're real only in the sense that you let us know exactly what is on your mind without bothering if it upsets us. but you don't take the time to listen to me, to consider my opinions, because everything anyone else thinks is completely illogical and a waste of time. you can't grasp that you're views aren't one size fits all. they don't work for everyone; especially not me. You can't let me make my own decisions without screening them through your radar first, and so many of them I need to fight in order for them to make it through. You disregard my efforts to be selfless and help people in need because you deem them illogical. you always put yourself first.
but the worst thing is that now you're back to drinking. You and daddy both. You had done so well in your program, and I had begun to think that things were changing. But the allure of european liquor was too much, and you got caught up in it, using the trip as an excuse to relapse. and now that we're back you haven't stopped. I'm glad I havent been around to see if any fights have arose, as they always do, thanks to your drinking. All I know is I see way too many of my dad's beer cans around the house than i'd like to. and there is always an open bottle of wine in the kitchen. you guys drink more than I do and it's sad. I just wish you could have had the willpower to stop once you got back, to realize the vacation is over and it's back to being parents, not alcoholics. I'd hoped that you would do it for me and my sister, but i guess your selfishness spreads to this too.
but I'm just as bad. I'm never going to talk to you about this. never going to tell you how i feel, because I've given up hope. every time I try to let you know you're hurting me you turn it back on me, pretty much telling me I'm a baby and I should be mindful and just not let it bother me that much. Well life doesn't work that way. you've somehow gotten away with living in your own world where you're queen and you don't have to compromise with anyone. It's because we're all scared, and tired of opening our hearts to you only having them ripped apart or ignored, and nothing gets resolved. so why even bother right?
ugh this is so unhealthy. I don't know what I'm going to do. All i can do is pour out my feelings here so i can not explode when it becomes too much to handle. i have an outlet and you never have to hear it. win win right?
:/
my friend told me last night, in alcohol fuelled praise, that you were real. that she had incredible respect for you. and i just couldn't agree. you're real only in the sense that you let us know exactly what is on your mind without bothering if it upsets us. but you don't take the time to listen to me, to consider my opinions, because everything anyone else thinks is completely illogical and a waste of time. you can't grasp that you're views aren't one size fits all. they don't work for everyone; especially not me. You can't let me make my own decisions without screening them through your radar first, and so many of them I need to fight in order for them to make it through. You disregard my efforts to be selfless and help people in need because you deem them illogical. you always put yourself first.
but the worst thing is that now you're back to drinking. You and daddy both. You had done so well in your program, and I had begun to think that things were changing. But the allure of european liquor was too much, and you got caught up in it, using the trip as an excuse to relapse. and now that we're back you haven't stopped. I'm glad I havent been around to see if any fights have arose, as they always do, thanks to your drinking. All I know is I see way too many of my dad's beer cans around the house than i'd like to. and there is always an open bottle of wine in the kitchen. you guys drink more than I do and it's sad. I just wish you could have had the willpower to stop once you got back, to realize the vacation is over and it's back to being parents, not alcoholics. I'd hoped that you would do it for me and my sister, but i guess your selfishness spreads to this too.
but I'm just as bad. I'm never going to talk to you about this. never going to tell you how i feel, because I've given up hope. every time I try to let you know you're hurting me you turn it back on me, pretty much telling me I'm a baby and I should be mindful and just not let it bother me that much. Well life doesn't work that way. you've somehow gotten away with living in your own world where you're queen and you don't have to compromise with anyone. It's because we're all scared, and tired of opening our hearts to you only having them ripped apart or ignored, and nothing gets resolved. so why even bother right?
ugh this is so unhealthy. I don't know what I'm going to do. All i can do is pour out my feelings here so i can not explode when it becomes too much to handle. i have an outlet and you never have to hear it. win win right?
:/
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