Skip to main content
today was a bad day mentally and emotionally. i broke down hard. couldn't hold anything in and i sobbed until Scott was hushing me so people in the other room wouldn't hear me. i felt unbearably pried open. We'd watched leaving las Vegas and a scene seeded itself in my mind and wouldn't let go. I tried to heal my past wounds but they will resurface regardless. now that I've muddied the waters of the subconscious, it may be a good time to pan for gold. find the strength to channel it into a vehicle of voice. find the words to build a bridge to cross the water for ever.
Ive never felt him hold me the way he did after it all spilled out. so close. so strong. so comforting. as if his arms were brick walls hiding me from anything wrong in this world. warm and soft as sunshine. his anger. his wish for retribution. his testosterone fueled instinct to protect. and me the helpless doe crying. yet the love in his eye and how his fingers found mine. so gentle. when he held me everything was bearable. everything was ok. I opened up so deep today. to a depth i'd forgotten i had. a darkness I'd hidden. but white light has its way of finding its way into anywhere.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...
2 comments
Read more

Life unfolding

Unfolding Like petals, new to the world Tired of crouching and hiding within protective walls. Bursting forth in response to the warmth of sunlight and community. The unfolding of a heart is uncomfortable work. No longer used to my dimensions, I bump and bash Graze delicate edges against the roughness of a new world. bruise petals as I dance through the days. The morning are toughest As I attempt to reopen my raw and reeling regalia Until the sun soothes the edges and I can relax once more Easing into each new day, Alight on the breeze. With new aspects to myself awakening, I catch the eye of new creatures animals insects and fellow flowers alike. It's exhilarating. Exhausting. To engage in a new age Edges expanding, This is evolution.
Post a Comment
Read more

Maggot Brain

I am filled with the feeling of too much to do, but when given the time all I can accomplish is looking back at these blog entries with a detached sensibility. I am removed from them now. Peculiar, how these words remain fixed here, memories I would rather forget. But I am now wet with memories, soaked in ancient feelings I thought had shriveled away in the sun. One thing struck me was my way with words. It has always been a talent, but I exercised it more in adolescence. Now the muscle is weak and the words are hard to lift from my mind to this page in any way worth telling. I need to stop telling myself that.  Evolution is inevitable and I have been changed by this passing of time. I am fascinated with progress, with the slow steady growth of each individual. Sophistication, intelligence, ever shifting dreams and schemes. But there is always an essence that remains unchanged. The spirit which guides us to who we want to become through time and space. I am happy now...
Post a Comment
Read more