what dreams are made of

he has told me on many occasions that i am something special, something unforseen and different. He says he cares me more than he has cared for anyone before. Never has he felt this way, completely new emotions fill him when i'm near. He calls it love. Not the childish deffinition of the word, not the love that is tossed around in convorsations. "haha aw i love you!" or "i love your hair, this song, this food". Not anything close. that deep love, that mix of pain and elation that holds me to him, that void in my soul that grows when he's not around. The feeling of complete bliss i am under when he's near. When he looks me in the eyes i am pulled in to that clear ocean blue. He looks at me and i am aware of his feelings for me. i am aware that i do mean the world to him. every girl wants to feel special, wants to be that girl unlike any other. I hiad given up on this, for the longest time i regarded myself as nothing special, nothing worth this magical sensation known as love. Suddenly it is upon me and i couldn't be happier. Every girl does believe they are something special and I must say it feels good to be proved right. Now i need to show him how special he is, i fear he is blind to it, hurt by years of unloved turmoil. But i am here, i love him so, the deep true meaning of the word, and i want everyone to see who i fell in love with and why. but most of all i want him to see for himself.

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neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

Life unfolding

Unfolding Like petals, new to the world Tired of crouching and hiding within protective walls. Bursting forth in response to the warmth of sunlight and community. The unfolding of a heart is uncomfortable work. No longer used to my dimensions, I bump and bash Graze delicate edges against the roughness of a new world. bruise petals as I dance through the days. The morning are toughest As I attempt to reopen my raw and reeling regalia Until the sun soothes the edges and I can relax once more Easing into each new day, Alight on the breeze. With new aspects to myself awakening, I catch the eye of new creatures animals insects and fellow flowers alike. It's exhilarating. Exhausting. To engage in a new age Edges expanding, This is evolution.

Maggot Brain

I am filled with the feeling of too much to do, but when given the time all I can accomplish is looking back at these blog entries with a detached sensibility. I am removed from them now. Peculiar, how these words remain fixed here, memories I would rather forget. But I am now wet with memories, soaked in ancient feelings I thought had shriveled away in the sun. One thing struck me was my way with words. It has always been a talent, but I exercised it more in adolescence. Now the muscle is weak and the words are hard to lift from my mind to this page in any way worth telling. I need to stop telling myself that. Evolution is inevitable and I have been changed by this passing of time. I am fascinated with progress, with the slow steady growth of each individual. Sophistication, intelligence, ever shifting dreams and schemes. But there is always an essence that remains unchanged. The spirit which guides us to who we want to become through time and space. I am happy now...

rude awakenings

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