if i love you and you love me...

...why do we put ourselves through this?

i dont know how to answer that. i cant even begin to think it over. because i dont even know how i feel. i wish i did, i wish i could make all this pain go away with sweet words. but i know they're hollow. you know as well as me that there's nothing i can do to make it better. all i can say is that today was one of the best days of my life and i wouldnt take anything back. i know you're going to beat yourself over it but i wish you wouldnt. yet i can wish so much and i do wish all time, but i dont know if it does one slice of good. you know i would do everything i can to help you. so it hurts when you think that you have nothing, noone. but just because we're not boyfriend girlfriend, it doesnt mean anything. it's a label, meant for people to try and understand things better. but i'm past that point. i dont understand anything anymore. labels wont do any good. i just want you to know that i'm here for you and i always will. and this is coming from the heart. you know it.

its true

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neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

Iwill be dragged through the slime and the mud

And I mean..I fucking love you. And I promise you it's gonna be okay. It always has and always will. Your heart is so warm and love so pure . There's so many perceptions of so many people Each with a different view, a different insight. I don't know if I can listen to anyone anymore. No one knows the raw core emotions that i keep well-guarded And I don't want anyone to know. I'm beginning to hate myself, hate the monster I feel growing. Please...someone make me believe I'm not damned for all time? Good-bye yellow brick road.

rude awakenings

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