if i love you and you love me...

...why do we put ourselves through this?

i dont know how to answer that. i cant even begin to think it over. because i dont even know how i feel. i wish i did, i wish i could make all this pain go away with sweet words. but i know they're hollow. you know as well as me that there's nothing i can do to make it better. all i can say is that today was one of the best days of my life and i wouldnt take anything back. i know you're going to beat yourself over it but i wish you wouldnt. yet i can wish so much and i do wish all time, but i dont know if it does one slice of good. you know i would do everything i can to help you. so it hurts when you think that you have nothing, noone. but just because we're not boyfriend girlfriend, it doesnt mean anything. it's a label, meant for people to try and understand things better. but i'm past that point. i dont understand anything anymore. labels wont do any good. i just want you to know that i'm here for you and i always will. and this is coming from the heart. you know it.

its true

Comments

enter the struggler

Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

I wish I could

I'm a moon person too. But I'm too caught up in my petty securities and routines to wander the streets at night

rude awakenings

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