you trap you kill you eat

being quick is a stress reliever. i noticed that today. running quick, slamming on the drums quick, writing quick.
i ran up the stairs. i started off slowly but my feet kept speeding up, as if i could run away from my stress. but there's nowhere to run and i end up sitting down in the end regardless.
i slammed the drums, faster and faster until i falter because my arms couldnt keep up with my brain.
i write faster because maybe the sooner i finish the sooner this will all be over.
but it never works that way. my brain cant keep up with my hand this time. i make mistakes and i have to redo the dreaded problems.

i'm sick of this.
&&
i need better stress relievers.

Comments

jEeRo said…

eVery-one makes mistake..its whether we'll learn from the mistakes that is important..go easy on yourself ok..

October 2, 2008 at 10:46 AM

rudeawakenings said…

thanks
but this is school related
they like to dumb a whole frickload of tests and exams in one week
and its taking such a huge toll on me physicaly and mentaly

October 2, 2008 at 5:54 PM

enter the struggler

Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

I wish I could

I'm a moon person too. But I'm too caught up in my petty securities and routines to wander the streets at night

rude awakenings

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