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mr smith

it keeps coming back to me in snippits. the first kiss. the first touch.
i almost hate myself for it. yet it felt so good getting what i want.
i was scared that my friends would hate me as other's have before.
it occured to me that they'd never seen me like this..
part of me didn't care.
i wasn't myself and i let it get the best of me.
but i can't shake the feling of accomplishment.
there's something strange about experiencing a person on that level.
its almost beautiful.. or maybe not
i've decided i'm perfectly alright being single.
i dated someone for over 6 months and what did it get me?
6 months of pain. sure, i felt love, but was it worth it?
i dont feel anything for him now.
it was just like he said that night
[the words are blurred by substances but i remember the backbone]
i still get the physical recognition
without giving out my heart to be inevitably broken.

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