slow the suffering

i am in one of those lonely moods that makes me question what's keeping me. i have everything at my fingertips but i'm living for those around me; to be viewed highly in their eyes.
i'm not sure why.
maybe i liked what they had to say, now i have too much at stake. i enjoyed the sound of their words of wisdom, i lived by them, they shaped me. am i damning myself by disregarding them?
the one the stuck? she made me what i am today.
we all have our truths are mine the same as hers?
does a degree make hers truer?
i could be wrong. i wanted to think i had a chance. maybe.

Comments

Monsieur Rien said…

I never trusted paper to tell me that a person is more right than me. Unless what that person's saying is in his or her field of study. And then again: It's only a paper. They could be wrong.

October 27, 2008 at 9:16 PM

enter the struggler

Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

I wish I could

I'm a moon person too. But I'm too caught up in my petty securities and routines to wander the streets at night

rude awakenings

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