everybody's dream can fall apart

the tables have turned, my mask is broken.
killed by love
i silently curse the labels i placed on that feeling.
i never really wanted to belong.
i thought it was different.
the way i feel now shows that i'm not.

I got a longer fall, a longer fall to take

Cause I'm a bigger fool with a bigger heart to break

i'm empty, distrought. my heart is unwell.

funny.

each chapter unfolds and the past dies away.
yet the pain's still the same all through the day.

there's so much on my mind.

i believe i've cursed myself.

i have no hope for the future.

no belief that i will somehow end victorious.

no.

its all over now, baby blue..

i want to build a self sustainable cabin and live there in my own way. i have no want at all for the way of man. i dont want money i dont want your material life supports. give me peace of mind and nature's way and i will be happy.

Comments

pihzaz said…

im in the tech centre and your in art

we so close but so far away i havent talked to you in a long time

November 13, 2008 at 9:55 AM

neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

Life unfolding

Unfolding Like petals, new to the world Tired of crouching and hiding within protective walls. Bursting forth in response to the warmth of sunlight and community. The unfolding of a heart is uncomfortable work. No longer used to my dimensions, I bump and bash Graze delicate edges against the roughness of a new world. bruise petals as I dance through the days. The morning are toughest As I attempt to reopen my raw and reeling regalia Until the sun soothes the edges and I can relax once more Easing into each new day, Alight on the breeze. With new aspects to myself awakening, I catch the eye of new creatures animals insects and fellow flowers alike. It's exhilarating. Exhausting. To engage in a new age Edges expanding, This is evolution.

Maggot Brain

I am filled with the feeling of too much to do, but when given the time all I can accomplish is looking back at these blog entries with a detached sensibility. I am removed from them now. Peculiar, how these words remain fixed here, memories I would rather forget. But I am now wet with memories, soaked in ancient feelings I thought had shriveled away in the sun. One thing struck me was my way with words. It has always been a talent, but I exercised it more in adolescence. Now the muscle is weak and the words are hard to lift from my mind to this page in any way worth telling. I need to stop telling myself that. Evolution is inevitable and I have been changed by this passing of time. I am fascinated with progress, with the slow steady growth of each individual. Sophistication, intelligence, ever shifting dreams and schemes. But there is always an essence that remains unchanged. The spirit which guides us to who we want to become through time and space. I am happy now...

rude awakenings

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