rude awakenings

Today I had the long awaited meeting with my poetry professor Richard. We met at Kensington Pub to discuss my poetry and my performance, and just to catch up. I had brought my latest poem to get his feedback and this is what he told me to do: You take the best lines from the poem, the ones that you really like, and cut them out with scissors. take all these lines and put em in a hat and pick them at random and lay them out in the order you take them out. It gives you a totally new and yet same poem. Here's my results: Dont settle for disposable, opt for compostable, reusable sustainable; a green future is attainable. When did we split of the evolutionary tree and plant ourselves in the soils of skewed priotities? Instead of mindless expansion we should be expanding our minds. We can erase the scars of freeways and cars, rewind time to teeming life, erase the strife and strive with all alive, and live in this give and take. We make junk to make a buck, because who gives a fu...

Today wasn't by any standards a particularly great day. Early mornings and snow, parking tickets, missing an interview, car dying on a busy street, getting stood up by a mentor. It was overwhelming and I admit I shed some tears, in the moment. But at the moment I am ok, I am at peace with the way things are because even though the day wasn't amazing, there were still some good aspects. Like the nice girl who helped me push my car, offered to drive me home and gave me a hug when she saw I was distressed. Like getting a call from Bernard Callebaut offering me a job at the same moment I lost the chance to work at a pet store. It's all about the little things, the positives, because if you don't keep your head up you're more likely to crash.

It's official! I'm moving out with my boyfriend and it's going to be great!

The  Dø   love love love this band right now :)

Let's get to the point; let's roll another joint,   and let's head on down the road, there's somewhere I gotta go And you don't know how it feels to be me Don't get me wrong, it's pretty great being me I quite enjoy it. It's fascinating that we are the only ones who really know us, and that's all we'll ever know.

I've conceded that it is impossible to tell my mother what bothers me about her. She has such a warped sense of importance, so that any complaint I have is turned into a full fleshed assault to her. And she twists it around in her cunning little way and it becomes all my fault. I am always at fault. Today I got frustrated because my mother told me to put some leftover meal she'd bought downstairs in the fridge. It's merely a trifle, but it's not a stand alone event. I thought that since she bought the food she should put it away. It's hers, not mine, and she shouldn't be able to get away with constantly pawning off her chores onto me and my sister. But you couldn't tell her that. I must have had bad attitude, and walked down the stairs a bit too loudly, because when I came up she asked "what's your problem? why are you always mad at me?" I threw up my arms in disbelief. She's so quick to say that I'm the one attacking, I'm the one w...

3,830 Km.  46 hours of driving. (each way) For a three day festival.  Gonna be dope!

My boyfriend's lease is up in September, and I'm getting sufficiently fed up living in the house I grew up in. My friend's mom is renting out her basement suite for an attractive price, and I think I'm going to go for it. It's absolutely terrifying, being removed from all that I've known my whole life. And I have my misgivings about moving in with my boyfriend. What if it's too much stress and our relationship is tarnished? But also what if it's the greatest thing? It will be a shock, for sure, but I think I can handle it. I have the money, and I have the will. Still nervous as heck though.

Let these walls come tumbling down I say it like I've finally found the way to keep the good feelings alive I said it like it was something to strive for I need your confidence, baby And the gift of your extra time In turn I'll give you mine, sweet darlin' It's a rich exchange, seems to me It's a warm arrangement

Life has been pretty fab since summer started. Smokin' weed, growing weed (one li'l plant, it's so cute) Hanging with my lover and my ladies in the sunshine. My parents bought a house down the block and moved my grandparents there It's a pretty nice house, with an unfinished basement where me and Scott set up a jam space I walk my two dogs as well as my grandparents dogs at the nearby park every day And it has become habit to have a go at my one hooter when I'm out in the trees. It's quite enjoyable, walking and playing with the dogs wandering stoned through the sunshine But I wonder if my grandparents can tell when I come to drop off their old border collie that a change has overcome me since we last met. Do grandparents have extrasensory perceptions? Who knows I think I can fake normalcy to a decent degree

I made an Etsy page! check it out! please :) LoveALittleMore

I realized something today. Everything in our lives; our environment, our job, our situation is inherently linked to our outlook on life. If we are negative, if we are jealous, depressed, disheartened or angry, it affects every single aspect of our circumstance. If we are negative, we will repel the people around us, and we will have less friends. If we are jealous, we will push away our lovers, and become lonely. if we are depressed, we cannot see the beauty that surrounds us, we will not have an urge to explore the world, to know the world, to experience the world. We will travel less, we will know less. We will be less wise. If we are disheartened, then we will never rise to the occasion. We will never get back on our feet and keep going, but we will remain stagnant, and waste away in a miserable existence. If we are angry, either at others or at ourselves, we gash into each other, we wound one another with our unhealthy attitudes. We will lead lives of pain, of f...

Instead of mindless expansion we should be expanding our minds. Finding solutions to stop our pollution, to reduce our waste. But we all chase after money and pointless things. Thinking they'll bring us happiness, or self worth. But it's the earth that pays for all the shit we throw away. Make take use, and it's garbage in just a day. But it doesn't just disappear. It's all still here, clogging the Earth's pores with eyesores of giant piles of trash. Every last diaper you've ever crapped in, is still trapped in a landfill. and it'll still be there long after we're gone. Where did we go wrong? When did we split off the evolutionary tree and plant ourselves in the soils of skewed priorities? Working to stay alive, working our nine to five as if the blood that fills our veins is made of money. And I find it funny, when we need air to breathe and this is supplied by trees, we clear cut our forests to build up our factories. We make junk to make a buck, b...

This is my message, this is my fight Living the life of the environmentalist's plight. Harper calls us radicals, stops us in our tracks And when we need him most, he simply turns his back. Searching for money, searching for self-worth Building up his ego at the downfall of the Earth.

The Taylor Cochrane band is going in a new direction: quartet with Taylor on random stringed instruments, Scottie White on contrabass and guitar, Luke on accordion piano and clarinet, and kim on backing vocals and various percussion. And let me tell you, it's pretty damn AWESOME

It's funny, how things like this can happen in nature. How does a tree go about growing out of the side of another? I love this planet.

I feel like this blog has gotten too ranty.  I use this site as a vessel for my madness, a place to place my baggage, forgetting that people read this. So now my plan is to change it up a bit. Add more pictures, write only small thoughts So stay tuned! :)

I feel a transformation has taken place. I've spent the past two weeks as a new person. I went on a glorious vacation to the west coast with my soul mate, and had ten days of wonderful adventure. Though it was far from problem-free,  I hardly cared. We took my grandparents' '91 Winnebago, at it was a bet of a piece. The pipe to the muffler broke on the first day, and so every time we accelerated, people would stare in wonder at this crazy loud beast ripping down the street. As well, there were three switches that needed to be on in order for her to start, which caused us some stress in Victoria when she wouldn't start. we had gotten her towed only to realize one of the switches was turned off! But regardless of getting rear ended, getting stuck in the mud at a remote cabin and having the alternator die on our way home, it was still a great trip. We handled each adversity that came our way with cool grace, never getting stressed, and always looking at the positives....

I dread human contact. I absolutely hate it. I hate having to think of something to say, hate having to feign interest and sympathy. It's a stressful situation and I don't even know why. I guess it's the culmination of all my antisocial tendencies over the years. Once you get into a habit it gets harder and harder to change as time goes by. I've always been the shy one, the quiet one. The exception is my friends. I'm talkative and at ease with the people I like. I love my friends and I love having friends, but I dread making them. It's like it's too much effort to be worth it. All the awkward getting to know eachothers and stuff, I'd rather just avoid it completely. But it's getting me into trouble. People think I'm arrogant, too good to talk to them. Or that I hate them. Such is the case with my mother. She's been living at her parent's house, and so I rarely see her. That suited me fine, because less interactions the better. So whenever...

I wish you had a quieter way of dealing with your bad days. Instead of using everyone you see as a scapegoat so you can escape your load by heaving it upon the undeserving. I'd like to think I'm undeserving of your malice, at least. But you could very well be right. I could indeed be the daughter who doesn't make any effort to contribute to housely chores, the one who hates you, tries to make you miserable, ignores your hardships and who wants to run away to avoid helping you. Maybe you're right about everything. But that isn't the way I see it. The way I see myself is far from simple and far from resolute. It changes day to day, depending on my mood, the mood of others, and the weather. On the good days I see myself as an intelligent attractive young girl who knows what makes her happy in life. A girl with adventure in her veins and distant shores in her heart. A girl with passion and artistic vision and a loving heart. Someone kind and gentle and introverted, but ...

I love you entirely I love you whole I love your body I love your soul I love you completely I love you madly for the rest of my life I will love you, gladly

I've been at odds with things i've seen and heard lately, and I've had an idea playing around in my head. It has to do with science vs. the unknown. Many people close to me have various different opinions about what is credible, what is true, and why. One friend believes in crystal healing, in chakras and reiki. Her boyfriend believes in science and if something hasn't been proven then it can't be true. He is unable to put faith in something he doesn't understand. And most people are. Which is why science was invented. But it was also why religion was invented. These things are our way of explaining our environment, to give reason to what we don't understand so the world is a less scary place. Now I have been raised a scientist, and I believe that science has a lot to teach us. That's not to say it doesn't have a lot to learn as well. Science is an ever-evolving field. The first deep scientific thinkers thought the sun revolved around the Earth. But ...

I had possibly the best dream last night. It started with an onion that contained a toxin that I was going to isolate and attempt to remove. So I was carrying around this onion with me, and me and some friends ended up meeting paul mccartney at this event. A big crowd swarmed him on uneven ground he fell into me so I helped him up. Then Marysia and Sheri-D got to go into a room for an executive meeting with Paul. Marysia had my bag with the onion and took it with her by accident. A little while later they returned and marysia came running and telling me she was going to love her. Then she pulls out this odd plastic tube with some onion in it, as well as a mounted microscope slide of some onion cells. she proceeded to tell me that Paul had made me a slide and a core sample of my onion for me. I was truly exited and was showing a lot of people. My day had been made, even though looking back, I needed the whole onion to run my tests. But then later my sister and her friend came running...

This is my longest, happiest, strongest relationship I've ever had. At times, it all seems to have become part of the ordinary, and I don't appreciate what I have nearly enough. I've been through some rough times both internally and externally lately; never without my qualms and imperfections. But he is a rock that stands strong-fast for me, with his smile and his positivity. This bond has enough energy to last through all life has to offer. I am truly happy when I am with him, he has brought out all the best qualities in me. <3

I've been in Kelowna for the past few days, staying with my friend Kaeleigh and her one year old daughter who is possibly the brightest ray of sunshine my eyes have ever soaked in. She's such a dream, living laughing so innocent and free. She's become so comfortable with me; crawling on me like a jungle gym, playing with my pens and crochet hook, trying to do what I do. She's growing up so fast. Today I saw her walk for the first time. I feel so blessed that I was able to witness such a milestone (and catch it on film!). She makes me happy when I'm feeling down, and I'm so thankful for her. This trip has been good so far. I'm still battling with insecurities, and my family that stretches my mind back to Calgary in a most unpleasant way. This trip is showing me that there is life elsewhere and so many places, to run to. she couldnt help thinking that there was a little more to life, somewhere ese I really love being here with my two best friends Petra and Kae...

The only good thing coming of this never ending situation is that there's always material for poetry. I don’t remember the last time you did something nice for me. Can’t you see why I’m upset? I guess I just get this way after too many days of no thank yous. I wish you’d put yourself in my shoes, so you can see what you’re doing to us. I don’t like to fuss because I’ve learned it won’t make things better, but then the feelings fester within me. I can’t see a solution. No resolution is possible; you’re always so hostile when I speak my mind. I guess I can never find the right words to explain this pain that seeps from my chest. The best I can do is write poetry, for me only, because I don’t have the balls to show this to you. I know what it will do; it will send you into a depression. You’re so full of aggression; you have a tongue like a whip and no filter for your lips. You spit insults without thinking; I think it’s linked to your drinking. You sink to new lows, dishing out b...

It was an odd experience. Obviously enhanced by the illicit drugs in my system, but there was no mistaking the power of the experience. The pull of the tears were fierce, piercing me, pulling me down with a frown, it was frightening, felt alone and helpless, griping, fighting, trying. …............... I saw the warm light dancing on the right side of your face; I tried to chase the pain away. Push it, but I was weak. I tried to teach you how to heal me. Feel me, hold me fold your arms around me. And you astound me. With your everlasting light, you gave me sight in darkness. I saw you helped my cloud get lifted; I am gifted with your warm embrace. I touched the right side of your face, traced the skin from your temple to your chin. I shed the walls and let you in.

It's people like you that make the world a lesser place. You pollute the pallet with your selfish habits but your self-esteemless self portrayal. You believe your happiness more important than a million other species, yet you think your actions invisible in the grand scheme. You think can keep running water and loving oil, and nothing will happen. Or you know what will happen but you're unwilling to give up the smallest of insignificant luxuries; to change your habits just the slightest. You think it's ok to keep doing what we have always done. Why cant you see? Why can't you open your fucking eyes to the state the world is in. It's not a hoax made up by peace loving tree hugging granolas. There are statistics. There is tangible proof; forests are being torn down to make room for our endless appetite for meat. Cities are growing wider, catering to the exponential multiplication of humans. The biodiversity is steadily decreasing because we keep monopolizing huge are...