i washed my hair without even knowing it. my mind took a side trip and my body took over. it annoyed me more than it should have. i had planned on not washing my hair until semester two started, for some reason. just because i could. no matter. i stood there, blank and empty, watching the water careening of my shoulder lit by the pale winter light. i never noticed it before. my mind was working at a faster speed, slower or sharper, i couldn't decide. i watched, transfixed as dew covered spiderwebs flew everywhere, threads of glistening silver faded and fell. i didn't know why it was so beautiful to me. but it was one of the most incredible things i'd seen in a long while.
Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...
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