Hell's the hippest way to go

i sat, blank, the the steam thick around my head. i thought of everything. of you, of us, but mostly me. what was wrong. i sighed. maybe i was twisted inside. my heart was just wrong. i stoped scratching my arm. i could feel the heat pulsing through my skin. i laughed inwardly. you said this would help. that i'd wonder why i was so upset about it in the end. today is the 4th. you told me to write about new year's eve, why it happened that way. i still dont have one. i lied i do have one, but its not worthy of poetry. i was depressed. i saw no motivation in anything. nothing was safe and nothing i loved could save me. no one i loved. you couldn't pull me out and that put me over the edge., sent me headfirst to that dark place. i started humming a tune laughing and crying, you know it's the same release. i never understood depression. i recall someone saying it was a safe place. you never want to leave. you know it's unhealthy, hurtful and destructive but you can't stop. like a drug. i brought my legs up to my chest and rested my head against my knees. i watched the mist clinging to the glass, creating thousands of glistening droplets. you told me i was strong. it was easy to believe you when my cheeks are dry; but a completely different story when that monster grabs a hold.

the blackness fills my lungs
pushes through my mind like a bitter wind.
enticing me.
i know i can destroy this if i try.
i reject this weakness.
i refuse to be like her
if she turns this upon me
i will shun her disease.