Hell's the hippest way to go

i sat, blank, the the steam thick around my head. i thought of everything. of you, of us, but mostly me. what was wrong. i sighed. maybe i was twisted inside. my heart was just wrong. i stoped scratching my arm. i could feel the heat pulsing through my skin. i laughed inwardly. you said this would help. that i'd wonder why i was so upset about it in the end. today is the 4th. you told me to write about new year's eve, why it happened that way. i still dont have one. i lied i do have one, but its not worthy of poetry. i was depressed. i saw no motivation in anything. nothing was safe and nothing i loved could save me. no one i loved. you couldn't pull me out and that put me over the edge., sent me headfirst to that dark place. i started humming a tune laughing and crying, you know it's the same release. i never understood depression. i recall someone saying it was a safe place. you never want to leave. you know it's unhealthy, hurtful and destructive but you can't stop. like a drug. i brought my legs up to my chest and rested my head against my knees. i watched the mist clinging to the glass, creating thousands of glistening droplets. you told me i was strong. it was easy to believe you when my cheeks are dry; but a completely different story when that monster grabs a hold.

the blackness fills my lungs
pushes through my mind like a bitter wind.
enticing me.
i know i can destroy this if i try.
i reject this weakness.
i refuse to be like her
if she turns this upon me
i will shun her disease.

Comments

neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

Iwill be dragged through the slime and the mud

And I mean..I fucking love you. And I promise you it's gonna be okay. It always has and always will. Your heart is so warm and love so pure . There's so many perceptions of so many people Each with a different view, a different insight. I don't know if I can listen to anyone anymore. No one knows the raw core emotions that i keep well-guarded And I don't want anyone to know. I'm beginning to hate myself, hate the monster I feel growing. Please...someone make me believe I'm not damned for all time? Good-bye yellow brick road.

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

rude awakenings

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