help me. someone. please.

i hung up on you because i wished you'd call me back
and it would be different.
but you never did.
i'm not the type to push and shove for attention
but i crave it so deeply.
"huney, you're not talking.."
"i know."
"ok"
not what i wanted to hear.
i wanted you to hear what wasn't being said
but you were too caught up in your happiness
and carefree games.
i couldnt bare to disturb you
even though it ate away at me.
i held the phone away as i cried.
i hated myself for it.
and it was finaly too much and i pressed that button
and it hit me; hard. the tears came, harder stronger louder.
i cried like i hadn't in forever.
no one to hear me, worry and fuss.
i let it all out.
now why was i like this?
what made me break?
thats. just. it.
i. dont. know.
there's something wrong with me and it's tearing me apart.

Comments

enter the struggler

Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

I wish I could

I'm a moon person too. But I'm too caught up in my petty securities and routines to wander the streets at night

rude awakenings

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