you've really filled me with hate. i can't just forget. i'm so close do just exploding. i really don't like this. i wish it was different. i wish all this hardship could have passed you by. i thought it would be different now. but you really cant catch a break. its acctually impossible. you've put this...thing..on my shoulders. i know you don't mean to but you did. i can't hold you back. i dont know what to do. not the faintest idea. if you snap then i snap too. it wont be my fault but i'll take it that way. i can't hold you back and it scares me. i love you so much. i don't want to see you like that. because i cant help you. i don't have a clue. blue moons cant come soon enough. but i'm so afraid it wont get fixed. i want it to be a fairy tale. spiritual and healing. i guess whatever happens happens.
i don't know what it is but i cant stand you anymore. maybe because I've been with you for 6 weeks straight. then i got two weeks of freedom, glorious freedom, and it's hard to come back to living in this house, with you, with whom i now associate all the wonderful memories of arguments that you could never bare to lose, the days spent waiting at each corner for you as you lagged behind inconsiderately taking pictures.
my friend told me last night, in alcohol fuelled praise, that you were real. that she had incredible respect for you. and i just couldn't agree. you're real only in the sense that you let us know exactly what is on your mind without bothering if it upsets us. but you don't take the time to listen to me, to consider my opinions, because everything anyone else thinks is completely illogical and a waste of time. you can't grasp that you're views aren't one size fits all. they don't work for everyone; especially not me. You can't...
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