We see things as they really are to the best of our capacity, but maybe we're not as great as we think. Maybe we're completely oblivious to some greater being out there. Like the ants and the plants are to us and all our greatness. Maybe the galaxies talk to eachother. There's no end to the possibilites and instead of making me feel hopelessly small, it makes me feel more a part of something. I'm just on this ride, with nowhere to go no, one to be, because it doesn't matter in the least. Just flowing on with life wherever it takes me.
Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...
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and this, what you wrote, was very comforting.