a little part of it in everyone

i was reminissing, going back to when this all started.
so much has changed but i'm so afraid that it's stayed the same.
"if it wasnt for you and emma i'd have gone to bc"
back to that time when things were so messed up
maybe they still are. maybe i'm blissfully unaware.

I know i'm crazy, i'm insecure, i'm hopelessly self destructive.
but i don't want to be fooled again. maybe it wont even happen.

but atleast if it does it doesn't come as such a shock.
haha ya right. like that will make it any better

Comments

Anonymous said…

Don't let it happen again. I'm sure you'd be able to notice if it were and you can control it.

Dude it hurt you so much last time. Don't let ANYONE do that to you. You don't deserve that pain. Not you and your sweet innocent soul

February 4, 2009 at 9:01 PM

neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

Iwill be dragged through the slime and the mud

And I mean..I fucking love you. And I promise you it's gonna be okay. It always has and always will. Your heart is so warm and love so pure . There's so many perceptions of so many people Each with a different view, a different insight. I don't know if I can listen to anyone anymore. No one knows the raw core emotions that i keep well-guarded And I don't want anyone to know. I'm beginning to hate myself, hate the monster I feel growing. Please...someone make me believe I'm not damned for all time? Good-bye yellow brick road.

rude awakenings

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