a little part of it in everyone

i was reminissing, going back to when this all started.
so much has changed but i'm so afraid that it's stayed the same.
"if it wasnt for you and emma i'd have gone to bc"
back to that time when things were so messed up
maybe they still are. maybe i'm blissfully unaware.

I know i'm crazy, i'm insecure, i'm hopelessly self destructive.
but i don't want to be fooled again. maybe it wont even happen.

but atleast if it does it doesn't come as such a shock.
haha ya right. like that will make it any better

Comments

Anonymous said…

Don't let it happen again. I'm sure you'd be able to notice if it were and you can control it.

Dude it hurt you so much last time. Don't let ANYONE do that to you. You don't deserve that pain. Not you and your sweet innocent soul

February 4, 2009 at 9:01 PM

enter the struggler

Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

I wish I could

I'm a moon person too. But I'm too caught up in my petty securities and routines to wander the streets at night

rude awakenings

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