a little part of it in everyone

i was reminissing, going back to when this all started.
so much has changed but i'm so afraid that it's stayed the same.
"if it wasnt for you and emma i'd have gone to bc"
back to that time when things were so messed up
maybe they still are. maybe i'm blissfully unaware.

I know i'm crazy, i'm insecure, i'm hopelessly self destructive.
but i don't want to be fooled again. maybe it wont even happen.

but atleast if it does it doesn't come as such a shock.
haha ya right. like that will make it any better

Comments

Anonymous said…

Don't let it happen again. I'm sure you'd be able to notice if it were and you can control it.

Dude it hurt you so much last time. Don't let ANYONE do that to you. You don't deserve that pain. Not you and your sweet innocent soul

February 4, 2009 at 9:01 PM

enter the struggler

Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...

Lets make love. Let's make the dark night shine let's make bliss and happiness, and I will make you mine. Turn our scabbed hearts into rubies; our tears into diamond skies. burn our fears to embers and watch the ashes rise. We'll complete the circle, fill in all the cracks with our heads held high, never looking back.

neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

rude awakenings

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