there'll be plenty of new dreams

Today was no different, by any means. Yet something had shifted inside of me. It wasn't a particularly painful change, but its difference unnerved me. I could fathom no reason for it, not the slightest thing. But then again, though I was fairly good at noticing, I was inept in noticing why. I felt empty and barren, a cold mountain range of idle feelings. I had a few speculations to toy over but part of me didn't want to understand; wanted to be blissfuly unaware. I soon found out that was out of the question. Sure I could cram it to the innermost folds of my brain but its presence would still be enough to cause a certain tribulation.

There seemed one positive notion that stemmed from this inexorable change; I no longer thought in fragmented words and pictures. No, every thought had been transformed into a delicate phrase, almost worthy of novels. No effort needed to transform them, they sat, preconceived and ready.

Comments

enter the struggler

Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

I wish I could

I'm a moon person too. But I'm too caught up in my petty securities and routines to wander the streets at night

rude awakenings

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