am i kidding myself? am i setting myself up for ruin? this is why i do not understand the strength label. twice in a row when the opportunity presented itself. it was good they were too carefree to care about me. i was happy. in the moment. though i felt sick with..something- i continued on regardless. i enjoyed his praise. it gave me a sense of gut and confidence, though i had more than my share that night. it makes me go for the things i wouldnt usualy. i dont know how it works for the other side. are their actions accounted for? does it make them think compeltely different, or highten the one already present? i do not know. perhaps this is a neccesary evil. all part of growing up. oh boy.
i don't know what it is but i cant stand you anymore. maybe because I've been with you for 6 weeks straight. then i got two weeks of freedom, glorious freedom, and it's hard to come back to living in this house, with you, with whom i now associate all the wonderful memories of arguments that you could never bare to lose, the days spent waiting at each corner for you as you lagged behind inconsiderately taking pictures.
my friend told me last night, in alcohol fuelled praise, that you were real. that she had incredible respect for you. and i just couldn't agree. you're real only in the sense that you let us know exactly what is on your mind without bothering if it upsets us. but you don't take the time to listen to me, to consider my opinions, because everything anyone else thinks is completely illogical and a waste of time. you can't grasp that you're views aren't one size fits all. they don't work for everyone; especially not me. You can't...
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