mkay, latest news in the life of andrea. i had a private psyciatrist meeting and i felt all special cuz she told me i made an impression on her, she's been tinking about me quite a bit, and ive only seen her once. and i dunno, apparently im a good person haha. and i have a problem about caring too much, and im ghonna be prone todepression and anxiety and all this stuff, so i told her all aobut brent and she told me that its really important i do whats right for me, and not for others, cuz i have a problem with sacrificing myself cuz i dont wanna upset other ppl and that would be the only reason i would be staying with brent is cuz id feel too bad, cuz im the only good thing in his life and the only person who cares. but i really need to start doing whats right for me. if i stay with him then im telling him its ok for him to treat me with disrespect. and if i leave him im telling him that when he gets something really special he needs to treat it justly, or else he'll lose it. and she believes everything happened for a reason. he came into my life for a reason, to show me like..the good and bad sides of people, and to show me strength and my potential and yada yada. then the phone thing happened for areason to give me a push on doing the right thing. damn this is gonna be hard. uummmm how would i go about breaking up with him? phone's good? i cant do it in person, thats for sure.
I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...
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