this is my home. my place of tranquility, untouched magnificence. thrilling and relaxing all at once. a place...far away. from everything, everyone. the sound of waves lapping on the shore, the sound of a humming bird's wing as it settles down on the feeder. thousands of unseen insects, buzzing, creating an endless backbeat, surrounding me if i take the time to listen. the smell of rich sweet pine, floating in off the surface of the lake on a warm breeze. i turn my face to the wind and everytime is different. i smelt once, perhaps imaginary, but the smell of ocean brine. i smelt the fresh pure air, i smelt earth i smelt sky. and then....now i turn to the greatest sense of all, that of sight. the blue sky, endless, the lake, shimmering with the sun, the bright lime green of the sand beneath the surface, fading into a deep turquoise. the forests, millions of greens, no boundaries, stretching on and on into darkness. the sunset. the masterpeice.
Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...
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