sometimes i catch myself dreaming of simpler times. perhaps it would spare me this insufferable pull on my heartstrings. but then i remember. i get bored easily, to put it simply. to go from this to carefree would be a smack to the face and i'd be completely lost with myself. i dont want to love someone exactly like me in every way. when i'm out and about and i see couples walking, i find myself laughing inwardly. they all look like they could be siblings, if i didnt know better. preps go out with preps, emos with emos, nerds with nerds, pretty people with pretty people. for some reason i think that i am the only person who has broken that trend. me and him are from completely different worlds. perhaps thats a bad thing, perhaps we're too different. but what is love without a bit of excitement? without a goal to get around? love shouldnt be easy peasy. "love is not a victory march, its a cold and its a broken halleluiah" Leonard Cohen is smart, and i have come to trust his words. his love has made me stronger, wiser, more mature. we've grown close to eachother, and i have come to care for him so much that i am willing to give him a second chance. because i have faith in him. i know that whether i like it or not he will change for me, to make this easier for me. for some reason i feel that whatever i chose to do, it will be the right choice. and that is a weird feelings
Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...
Comments
that's from the song hallelujah by jeff buckley!!!! i love that song =) and reading your blog. you are strong and you will make the right decisions, actually there is never a right choice i believe only different ones.