i had a sleepover at megan's yesterday. it was quite fun and i realized how much i missed just chilling with friends. i spent too much time with brent and i guess some of my friends fell off the wayside. i feel that, although this will kill me temporarily, this needs to be done. i just cant handle a boyfriend anymore. i mean i still love him with all my heart's capacity, and perhaps thats a bad thing. he's more moody then i am. like one moment he's all lovey dovey then i burst his bubble and he's all vicious all of a sudden. its just his way of actingwhen he feels threatened but i dont think he realizes how much it hurts me. m running out of things to say. i gotta go call my parents before they blow a gasket. peace.
I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...
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