where theres smoke there's dessert

i would like to know
how my heart can break again.
i wanted him to go, he's left,
ive called him back,
did he ever return?
now he tells me
he cant take this
he's leaving
after all he's done
after all i've been through
you'd think..i'd be happy?
that i'd had enough and wanted him out
the sooner the better?
somehow that is not so.
he made me a promise
he'd be here for me
and..i wanted to hold him to it.
but i want him to be happy
after all he's done, i want him to be happy.
he lost the one thing that did that;
me.
all he has left is beautiful british columbia
i want him to go. i really do.
i can live with it, it would make it easier
but without his phone, he is lost to me.
i'd have no idea..where he was, how he was doing
if he was dead on the side of the road.
i want to help him. and it will kill me if i cant
it has killed me in the past
because i am helpless.
i am helpless now
as the clock struck 6,
i ran around my house
searching for a phone
i ofund none. we have 5 phones floating around
and they disapear in my time of need.
fucking technology.
i found one, finaly
i called his number. it rang.
twice, then cut the the answering machine.
i left a message, as always,
in my disorganised rambling way.
i hung up...i told him i'd keep calling
he of all people, should know
that when i say i'd keep calling,
i do.
at one time he had no less than 20 missed calls in an hour.
so now here i am. i sit, by the phone...waiting
if he has his phone, then he'd listen to the message
i was never good at calculating, estimating.
i'd call him in 5 minutes, surely that would be enough time.
i smell smoke...fuck the pie, i had made...to ease my mind.