Skip to main content

lovely.

i dreamt about him again. im pretty sure ive dreamt of him every night since we broke up. last night he said he was back in school. we went to this weird choir dog show concert thing together and i melted in his arms, it felt so good to be there. i remember he kissed me once, just once, a soft brush of the lips but it sent electricity down my spine. somewhere inside me knew this was a dream but the bigger part of me didnt care.
i dont know what i'm trying to tell myself. i know that i miss him and still love him but there's nothing i can do. he's gone. and maybe thats why i'm dreaming of him. i'm not an expert and my vocabulary is being frustratingly small today so i cant elaborate.
all i know is i need another psychiatrist meeting. man its like my drug. it feels so good to open up to someone who knows exactly what to say. i dont even care that its her job to do this, because i sense that she really does care about me. or that i have to pay 100$ per session, because my dad's work covers it.

Comments

pihzaz said…
Im alwasy here for you bb please never forget that

Popular posts from this blog

enter the struggler

Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

I wish I could

I'm a moon person too. But I'm too caught up in my petty securities and routines to wander the streets at night