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wicker.

hello to all. i'm in ontario, in a small town of Exeter. i am on my dad's friend's computer because i am desperate. she's very nice to me and my sister and i appreciate her letting us use her computer.
so as most of you know i broke up with my boyfriend. he got incredibly dramatic and it killed me inside. though part of me knew that they were just words of no consequence, but another part was scared of him. scared of his capacity, of his ability to make my life hell. i dont know what he would do and that saddens me. seven months of love and i cant even predict what is truth and what is overexaggeration. i feel like i dont know him at all. i cant predict him, soothe him or abate him. when he gets upset i stand on the sidelines, teary eyed. and because i try and fix everything because i cant stand for people to be upset, i become distraught myself because i am helpless to him. seven months of this, over and over, along with the disapproval of friends and family, the lies and secrets i cant seem to escape, and his flip flopping emotions, these seven months have been incredibly hard on me. i could write millions of parishable words on this subject, god knows i have the emotional baggage to do it, but something is stopping me. perhaps my blissful unawareness, my wish to escape the pain until it settles. if i write and write i will stir up the feelings from the bottom of the pond. muck will rise and cloud my happiness. i know it will bite me in the ass if i ignore it, but at the moment i do not care. i've decided to make a comprimise with myself. i do not express myself through my own words, but through those of songs. i went through my library and found all the songs that relate to my given situation and i put them in a playlist. now i can listen to them and come to terms with my anger, my sadness, and most of all my heartbreak.
here's the list:

All I want- Joni Mitchel
Too much to ask- Avril Lavigne
The Waiting- Tom Petty
Happy Ending- Mika
Babe I'm Gonna Leave You- Led Zeppelin
Hope You Never- Tom Petty
Only Love Can Break Your Heart- Neil Young
Love Is Everything- K.D. Lang
All or Nothin'- Tom Petty
Both sides now- Joni Mitchel
Trippin on my own Tears- Ringo Starr
Love is a Long Road- Tom Petty
Saving us- Serj Tankian
Potential Breakup Song- Aly& A.J
Rhino Skin- Tom Petty
I am a Rock- Simon and Garfunkel
Tomorrow-Avril Lavigne
Only a Broken Heart- Tom Petty

if any one is at all curious to know how i feel, listen to some of these songs. especialy tomorrow by Avril. its uncanny.

Comments

pihzaz said…
It's good to let music show how we are feeling. Sometimes it's the only way we can even figure out what were feeling because we can't put the right words to the situation.
July 27, 2008 at 10:14 PM
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