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break through break down


last night i had a break through. it was exhilerating, in a different sense of the word. a spiritual one, slightly different from the physical/mental bliss i felt, an hour earlier, screaming and singing along to breakdown. though it was similar, as well. maybe one was brought on by the other. the breakdown broke down a wall, a barrier, and led me into a place of my mind i had previously avoided, for fear of second guesses. i was in such a giddy state of mind, that i felt that nothing could impeach it. and i was right. on the long ride home my mind drifted to him on numerous occasions. i remembered the way he held me, the way he kissed me. it sent chills down my spine but i didnt feel a wave of longing or regret after. it was just...nostalgia. it sent electricity through my body, and there was no sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. it felt amazing. and i felt confident that i will have many more of those moments to reminis in the future. it reminded me of one of the songs the Heartbreakers played; End of the Line. an old Wilbury's tune he plays and dedicates it to Roy and George. "Maybe somewhere down the road aways, Youll think of me, and wonder where I am these days. Maybe somewhere down the road when somebody plays...Purple haze.." it felt like Brent was speaking to me, in a non spiteful carefree tone, saying that life goes on and accept it. "Dont have to be ashamed of the car I drive. Im just glad to be here, happy to be alive. It dont matter if youre by my side, I'm satisfied." this felt like something i would tell brent, or myself. and i did, and it really helped. its hard to explain, the way that Tom Petty's music affects me, it just sends waves of carefreeness (that isnt a word, i know.) through me that lasts for days. "we're still riding some kind of high" in my mom's words.

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