oh i hate this feeling. its a million in one. i feel...annoyed, mad, and that this whole thing is so unfair. but then i feel like i deserve it, because i havent given them reason to trust me. then i fill with frustration at the fact that i did nothing wrong tonight, how ironic! then i get annoyed at how my parents should realise i've broken up with him, i'm not seeing him anymore. i'm not sneaing around or anything. but then i realise how would they know? im so reclusive from them, but i really dont care. i feel like they ask too much of me, and ask too much in general. i cant explain it. i hate feeling this way because it was such a small thing, but it brings up such a larger issue with myself. i really wish i oculd just resolve all my problems. like...i dont know. i'm sick of everything. new deal. i'm gonna try and not lie to my parents. maybe like for a month or something. but...i know that its not worth it because i beat myself up about it later, i live in fear that they'll sniff me out, and they usualy do. it really hurts me and it hurts them and it hurts us and im just so sick of everything. im on the mood to rant but im to annoyed to speak.
Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...
Comments