Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...
i feel down. i am a slave to the painkillers. i'm afraid of feeling. i want comfort but i'm afraid to do little other than lie in my bed or sit at the computer. i wish i had my camera so i could occupy myself, but seems to have vanished. so i touch up old photos i took in the past, but that supply is running sparse. so i'm going to down some painkillers and play monopoly on my ipod and wallow in self pitty. ta. =)
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