i have misplaced my camera.

i feel down. i am a slave to the painkillers. i'm afraid of feeling. i want comfort but i'm afraid to do little other than lie in my bed or sit at the computer. i wish i had my camera so i could occupy myself, but seems to have vanished. so i touch up old photos i took in the past, but that supply is running sparse. so i'm going to down some painkillers and play monopoly on my ipod and wallow in self pitty. ta. =)

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neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

ecotone

Instead of mindless expansion we should be expanding our minds. Finding solutions to stop our pollution, to reduce our waste. But we all chase after money and pointless things. Thinking they'll bring us happiness, or self worth. But it's the earth that pays for all the shit we throw away. Make take use, and it's garbage in just a day. But it doesn't just disappear. It's all still here, clogging the Earth's pores with eyesores of giant piles of trash. Every last diaper you've ever crapped in, is still trapped in a landfill. and it'll still be there long after we're gone. Where did we go wrong? When did we split off the evolutionary tree and plant ourselves in the soils of skewed priorities? Working to stay alive, working our nine to five as if the blood that fills our veins is made of money. And I find it funny, when we need air to breathe and this is supplied by trees, we clear cut our forests to build up our factories. We make junk to make a buck, b...

rude awakenings

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