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i am a mess.

[insert cool picture here]

i don't know why i felt the way i did today. i was so low. perhaps it was withdrawal. stupid drugs. no, not the illegal kind, or the over the counter, or even the mundane every day kinds like caffeine. no, this is some potent emotional drug. a drug in nature and definition. sorta.

A chemical substance, such as a narcotic or hallucinogen, that affects the central nervous system, causing changes in behavior and often addiction.

it changes my behavior, and maybe i am addicted. i want dearly to be anything but. its so tempting. it makes me question this label of "stength" that has been placed upon my brow. i am unsure. i know that i need to keep my distance. i cant be lured in by the temptation that is synonymous with this situation. i am afraid of hurting. me or others. another one of my shortfalls. i put myself through strife and discomfort and other emotional agonies because i don't want to put others through it. i know i make it a bigger deal than it is, but that is what i do. i have come to be comfortable with it. i guess i am comfortable in my discomfort

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