she has made me nocturnal. iwas up till 3 am, eating m&m cookies, talking to my sister over facebook and watching teletoon. some of the shows that are on this hour are pretty sick. i cant remember what the name of the show was, the one with the like...meatball and soda, but i think it has scarred me. i muted the tv and decided to occupy myself by creeping people's nex pages. i somehow got to this dude's page who seemed to be a perfect match to this character i read in streetpharm. for some reason i didnt believe that it was acctualy that way, but i guess i was wrong. it made me sick, all these boys with pictures of them flaunting their money and smoking pot. it was like...another world to me. it astounds me, what people will go to for money. i suppose that if you grow up having practicaly nothing, you'll do whatever it takes to get out of poverty. i guess i cant even begin to understand it because i was a fourtunate child. and i cant elaborate because me head feels like its going to explode. i hate being sick.
Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...
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