she has made me nocturnal. iwas up till 3 am, eating m&m cookies, talking to my sister over facebook and watching teletoon. some of the shows that are on this hour are pretty sick. i cant remember what the name of the show was, the one with the like...meatball and soda, but i think it has scarred me. i muted the tv and decided to occupy myself by creeping people's nex pages. i somehow got to this dude's page who seemed to be a perfect match to this character i read in streetpharm. for some reason i didnt believe that it was acctualy that way, but i guess i was wrong. it made me sick, all these boys with pictures of them flaunting their money and smoking pot. it was like...another world to me. it astounds me, what people will go to for money. i suppose that if you grow up having practicaly nothing, you'll do whatever it takes to get out of poverty. i guess i cant even begin to understand it because i was a fourtunate child. and i cant elaborate because me head feels like its going to explode. i hate being sick.
I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...
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