thats what you get for sucking carpet.

He tells me i'm strong. i'm the centerhold of my family. he makes it so much more than i feel it is. maybe i do that too. or maybe thats how it seems for people around me. he says i'm emotional too. i agree with that. i'll become upset over one thing, then it makes me remember everything i was upset about before, and i start to cry about my bottled up feelings. i continue on like this until i dont even know what is making me cry, but i'm aware that i look like an immature baby. i feel immature when people call me strong. i don't know why, really. i guess because i dont feel that i am. i just dont think i deserve that title when there are people out there with way more troubling lives than me, people who have to put up with a lot more, who deserve the title of "strong" i just don't feel that i've put up with that much bullshit, which he thinks i do. i dont know. certain things, like leaving him, despite his thoughts of it being unfair. he knows that its the right thing for me and he admires me for that. maybe i do have an inferiority complex. i just dont see what people keep talking about. maybe i'm just crazy. whatever. i gotta go now.

Comments

enter the struggler

Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

I wish I could

I'm a moon person too. But I'm too caught up in my petty securities and routines to wander the streets at night

rude awakenings

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