i think i like you.

It's like some messed up deja vu. it makes me sick when i realize how similar it was when it happened to me. he sent it through i text message as well, telling me he liked me alot. i was freaked out, saying how the hell could he know that after one evening, barely talking to eachother? i thought him desperate and confused, but i went for it anyway. because heck, i was desperate too. (i know that sounds like an insult, and maybe it is, but i didnt mean it that way when i first wrote it.) the second date, he told me he loved me. i stopped him, and told him that we'd seen eachother three times. you cant possibly love me. you're just throwing that statement around like its nothing. he told me he loved me again. whatever. maybe he did mean it, i just couldnt possibly fathom how he could have. he kept pushing me and i surrendered, for reasons that i dont understand to this day. maybe i just wanted that relationship to work so bad, i was leaniant with certain things. i shoudlnt have, because i even started to scare myself. this wasnt like me. but i kept on because i though it was worth it. that we were meant to be and all this fairy tall crap. i look back and i twinge with discomfort when i realize how idiotic i must have sounded. love made me too blind to see. and part of me-a very large part-doesnt regret my decision. its just another one of the countless life experiences out there. saying those words again put a hint of sadness in my thoughts. it feels weird putting such a non-emotional explanation to it, when it was anything but. yet this is the way i feel i must cope with my decision. which brings me back to the beggining of my rant. in light of recent events that should have made me even more upset, i acctualy feel more confident then ever. i felt guilty before, thinking that because i was this "amazing thing" in his life, that he would have troubles getting over me. but its quite obvious that he will fall inlove with anyone that shows him the slightest bit of humanity. i wish him good luck with that, and though this does make me feel substantially better, i kind of wish i was harder to get over. i wish he was grieving and all depressed, but i guess thats too much to ask. dayum.