22.5.09

Misanthropic cynic.

Love is a scary thing. To give yourself away to someone, putting all your faith that it's not in vain. you never know their motives, nor do they know yours. I've learnt to lie with a strait face and what has it gotten me? An ambiguous life, equivocal nature. A complex web of half truths, with no intention of lying. This life gets to us all, tormented innocence turning cold. I can't believe that love is a splendorous thing, it's hard to imagine, in this disgusting tainted world, a salvation by the name of "love". 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. No one wants to be alone in this world. We grapple and cling to a chance at happiness, no matter the price.

18.5.09

I'm sorry.
I hate to see you like this
But I don't know how to help you.
And I don't know what else to say..
I love you.
ps. click this
it's herb's webpage, scroll down and you'll see your photo
and he'd appreciate a comment [scroll to the bottom]

17.5.09

who, would fardels bear,

[i always forget what to write.]

15.5.09

nelly bean


it's a beautiful nostalgia, a reminder that life continues, and helps us remember the good old days.

14.5.09

i want to take it slow. i want to cherish every day that our love grows. i don't want to plan for the future, i want to live for today.

13.5.09

in the summer time

It's hard to always hoard our inner feelings. though we try, we know it's wrong and difficult and causes everyone harm in the end. Don't put your thumb in front of the mouth of the hose. the feelings and problems we have need to be let out naturally, we need to take it slow, let it out at constant intervals. If we don't allow them safe passage out, they fester and grow deep down, they keep piling up until they're so close to pouring over. yet the longer we push them down the harder it is to release the pressure. they compac and become harder and heavier, weighing us down so much we need to let them go but they're so rooted they're reluctant to go and we're reluctant to pull them out because we know it will be an unpleasant feat. this is when it gets iffy. we're caught between a rock and a hard place, neither situation seems inviting, yet we know which we have to do. so we procrastinate, we suppose that we can continue on like this "just a little longer.." but it's built up such pressure in our minds we can't ignore it any longer. so now comes the problem of "how to let it out" and "who to let it out to". this is harder than it sounds. we've held in so much for so long, hidden so much from so many people, that if we start letting it out the ones we love wont know what hit them, they'll be afraid and wont know how to handle it. that's why we need to find someone special, someone we trust and love more that anything. someone who knows and understands the feeling of hiding so much. maybe two people who're in the same predicament are best suited to help eachother. who knows.


I've found my person that I can share everything with. I hope she'll confide in me as well. ♥

11.5.09

i feel so close i feel so far


I feel you slipping away, am I deluded, is it madness?
I feel my heart is tearing, is it just a superficial sadness?
Things seem to be changing, maybe it's just me
my thoughts are rearanging, I wish that you could see.
I feel so far from everything that we once shared
from the start I wish I could say I wasn't scared.
I feel so empty now, I don't know what to do
I should start depending on myself, instead of waiting on you.

10.5.09

happy mother's day

everyone has those moments
everyone has their days
everyone says those things
we probably shouldn't say.
but no matter what we do
no matter what we say
there is a bond, there is a love
that you can't take away.
though we're growing up
you'll always be our mother
we're still your little girls
who love you like no other

8.5.09

no one's interested in something you didn't do

I don't want to think about life. life is a neccesary evil.
wow.
Hello ray of sunshine

7.5.09

enter the struggler


Don't give up.

I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don't need a boss or a mother, you need your girlfriend. You need me to be me. True, that's what I am, but I am so much more as well. The label is unbecoming to me, a clumbsy word trying too hard to mean so much more than it is. There are no words fitting to do me justice in explanation. I am your girlfriend. I am myself. I am so much more than you think I am. You want me to be myself. You claim to know me but you've no idea. How can you, when I'm even unsure of who I am. There's an ugly side you're just beginning to witness and you're afraid, as am I. I haven't changed, far from it. But I'm growing up. I think it scares you as much as it does me. You're older than me but I'm older than you too. Years mean nothing it's what we've done with our years. I refuse to waste away in nothingness but you embrace your blithe disposition without question. You've given up. I haven't