I've conceded that it is impossible to tell my mother what bothers me about her.
She has such a warped sense of importance, so that any complaint I have is turned into a full fleshed assault to her. And she twists it around in her cunning little way and it becomes all my fault. I am always at fault. Today I got frustrated because my mother told me to put some leftover meal she'd bought downstairs in the fridge. It's merely a trifle, but it's not a stand alone event. I thought that since she bought the food she should put it away. It's hers, not mine, and she shouldn't be able to get away with constantly pawning off her chores onto me and my sister. But you couldn't tell her that. I must have had bad attitude, and walked down the stairs a bit too loudly, because when I came up she asked "what's your problem? why are you always mad at me?" I threw up my arms in disbelief. She's so quick to say that I'm the one attacking, I'm the one who's the asshole. I wanted to tell her that she should have put her own food away, but I knew it was useless, I knew she would be aghast at my impropriety and hash out the twisted logic that as her kids, she has full right to make us do everything. So she asked "are you mad because I always make you do stuff?" knowing it was a trap, but not caring, I said yes. She just made some sound of disgust and left to eat her dinner upstairs in front of her tv, leaving all the food out.
It's not that me and my sister have to do chores that annoys me. I understand that I have to do chores. What bugs me is that my mother seems to think she's above them. She is allowed to leave old food out for weeks, leave messes everywhere, but at anytime I leave a faint trace of my presence, it's hell to pay. I don't think it's fair she has immunity. She doesn't even have a job, so her job should be tidying the house, but it's not. Her job is to play around in her garden all day, or watch tv, or eat junk food. She leaves a mess; we need to clean it up. That's the way it works in this house, and we just have to grin and bear it, or else we are the ungrateful children.
It's really taking a toll on me. She doesn't realize she has completely ruined our relationship. She doesn't care.
My boyfriend's lease is up in September, and I'm getting sufficiently fed up living in the house I grew up in. My friend's mom is renting out her basement suite for an attractive price, and I think I'm going to go for it. It's absolutely terrifying, being removed from all that I've known my whole life. And I have my misgivings about moving in with my boyfriend. What if it's too much stress and our relationship is tarnished? But also what if it's the greatest thing? It will be a shock, for sure, but I think I can handle it. I have the money, and I have the will.
Still nervous as heck though.