Earth day let down

Do you remember it was earth hour and we were supposed to turn out our lights for an hour? I turned out all lights from 8-9 and i dont believe calgary tried that hard. I walked down my street and maybe one other house wasn't lit up-every one else's houses were blazing with light. I find it so sad that we're so attached to the comforts of electricity that we cant even turn out the lights for an hour. It would have been so great if more people had taken the effort, but we're an indulgent ignorant race, and that's whats gotten us into this mess and thats what's made it hard to fix. I was talking to Brent (my bf) and he wasn't even aware it was earth day and that he was supposed to turn out the lights. I hope that this was an issue of not enough publicity for the event and not an issue of not enough effort by the citizens of Calgary. I know its hard to change our consuming habbits, but its only for an hour and I'm disapointed because this could have had an impact if everyone had did it, but of course they played ignorant and decided not to.
Can you tell I've been raised by two hippies?


what dreams are made of

he has told me on many occasions that i am something special, something unforseen and different. He says he cares me more than he has cared for anyone before. Never has he felt this way, completely new emotions fill him when i'm near. He calls it love. Not the childish deffinition of the word, not the love that is tossed around in convorsations. "haha aw i love you!" or "i love your hair, this song, this food". Not anything close. that deep love, that mix of pain and elation that holds me to him, that void in my soul that grows when he's not around. The feeling of complete bliss i am under when he's near. When he looks me in the eyes i am pulled in to that clear ocean blue. He looks at me and i am aware of his feelings for me. i am aware that i do mean the world to him. every girl wants to feel special, wants to be that girl unlike any other. I hiad given up on this, for the longest time i regarded myself as nothing special, nothing worth this magical sensation known as love. Suddenly it is upon me and i couldn't be happier. Every girl does believe they are something special and I must say it feels good to be proved right. Now i need to show him how special he is, i fear he is blind to it, hurt by years of unloved turmoil. But i am here, i love him so, the deep true meaning of the word, and i want everyone to see who i fell in love with and why. but most of all i want him to see for himself.


today i see

i looked in the mirror, and in the feeble light of a fall evening i saw myself as who i wanted to be. a girl who ruled her own life, defiant and strong. a girl not needing makeup or bronzer, who revvels in her pretty imperfections. sun kissed skin and wild natural waves in her hair. purple pants and stripped shirts that go beyond the borders of fitting in.
i stare to long at this girl i see and the illuion falters. my eyes water with the lack of blinking and my unfourtunate allergies to the new spring weather. i walk closer and i see my face is paler then i had first thought. my eyes are puffy and lined in red. i sigh, defeated and return to my book, where i can be lost in the heroin's strength and not have to be bothered by my lack thereof.


a beautiful pre spring after noon

it was an evening uncomparable to the rest. i hadnt seen one similar to it since the long warm summer nights of my childooh. the ones where i'd sit on the road for hours, carefree. drawing pictures on the rough surface aand as the golden afternoon would blend from orange to pink to purple the stick of chalk would shrink smaller and smaller but we were so consumed by our work we paid it no mind. and even as the swollen purple clouds closed in and blotted out the sun, we continued on. even when the first drops of summer rain would splash down on our works of art, turning the light grey of the old cement to black and causing the colours to deepen and run together, we continued on. because the colors always looked best when wet. we would only stop when our distressed mothers would rush out, their faces wrought with scorn at our soiled dresses.
i find that that is the difference between children and adults. children are so ful of optimism when regarding life. grown ups know better.
this brings me back to this evening, this uncomparable evening. it was alight with its terrible beauty. so uncomparable because of my outlook on it. i'm old enough that my ever-pleasant attitude toward life has been tarnished by the countless uglies ive witnessed, but young and open-minded to still see the beauty in everyday life, no matter how hidden it may be.
on this particular day the sky was a deep clear blue, the sun shone with an incredibly golden light that reflected off anything that crossed it's path; trees, houses and the deep purple clouds that lingered on the horizon. the air itself reflected the golden radiance and i breathed deeply and i was filled with the happiness that ran rampant through the air. the pecimist in me saw the deep purple clouds and grew saddened by the rain that would innevitably come and ruin this perfect moment. the optimist in me saw only the sun and its wonderous effect on my neighborhood and willed it to last forever. but i am neither this nor that, i am both, everything, a realist. i saw both the clouds and the sun and i saw something bigger. i saw life. half empty or half full, the fact is that there's water in the glass, be happy with what life dishes out, i accept it as it is.



Linked. Thats what i am. Linked, connected with her music. Her words, her experiences. Everything she wrote I have experienced. Everything I've gone through she's put to music. Its always the same, I don't go looking for songs to describe my feelings; they always find me. The most commonplace settings yeild yet another feeling of mine immortalized in song. a movie night showed me Both sides now, a K. D. Lang cd showed me Case of you. And the latest masterpeice brought to my attention through the cacophony of everyday life? Sometimes I'm happy. a simple song, a song i could have written. But Joni wrote it first.its discouraging and encouraging at the same time.To have all your inner words put out on paper and to music for you makes you feel like theres nothing left for you to do. But at the same time you realize your words have potential.


ive been entranced by the sheer political awareness this banksy guy has. and the way he expresses it is...bold, demands attention, and also has something of an annonimity to it. he doesnt sign his work, anyone could have painted it, but you see one of his graffitis and you dont doubt which political genius could have created such a beautiful statement. hats off, Banksy.