19.4.11

self pity rant, dont mind it.

ive concluded that my body hates me. after realizing I'm newly lactose intolerant and cant eat the slightest bit of dairy without my intestines wringing themselves into knots and keeping me up all night, i find out i have a UTI. it took a week to get the medication for it, and after i take it, it fucks up my kidneys, a rare side effect. Not wanting to feel the pain of a sore back and tender internal organs again, i hesitate to take the second dose. But my parents demanded that I do, so here I am again, unable to stand without feeling pain all through my back. and on top of all of it, i'm getting sick, because the antibiotics are destroying my immune system. wooooo.

8.4.11

Less than a week of school left. Motivation is dwindling in the face of a program change, and the irrelevance of all my current credentials. Though i should keep up my gpa, maybe get a scholarship. I could do with the Jason lang. But I feel good lately. Though it’s unfortunate I’ve wasted two years and over five thousand dollars, I feel unchained with the revelation that I have the freedom to do whatever I want. I need school to be interesting, tailored to what I really want to learn. And I plan to find that perfect degree that will teach me everything I want to know. Environmental science is looking great right now, because it’s only a 3 year degree and I get to work and get paid the last two semesters, getting my foot into the door of the earth’s job sector. I just hope I can work for something great. Something where I’m outdoors and I can surround myself with the simple beauty of nature while getting paid to protect it.

You know what would be great? If I could become the next David Suzuki. I’ve been brought up on the knowledge of the natural world around me, taught to love it and cherish it. I could channel my passion into my profession, teaching the world to love as I love, to appreciate as I appreciate, this truly astounding planet of ours. To educate the masses of the simple truths, that we are all one and humans are no different, we are animals that need to re-immerse ourselves into our environment.

When I think of the poor souls who chose to work in an office downtown, it makes me sad. How people will sacrifice their sanity, their time and their happiness to slaving over a computer in fluorescent lighting so that they can make the most money possible and live out a ‘lavish’ life. I will never work an office job in my life. I would rather make minimum wage and work every day in the forests of British Columbia than make ten times that and subject myself to the hollow existence of the profiteer. And this understanding has blessed me with the assurance of a life well lived, distancing myself from the damaging mind frame that is capitalism; the religion of the mighty dollar, where money is king. We’ve put all our faith in the omnipresent economy, a fictional fabrication of man. But I have wisdom. I’ve been told by many I have the talent of seeing the bigger picture. Seeing past the obstacles that clog our everyday lives into the vastness of the world in which we live in and our place in it. I can’t get distracted by fame, seduced by profit.

I am in love with the earth and I am a faithful woman.