so, what do you do when your boyfriend wants to buy you a rich present for your birthday? if he had a good job or was insanely rich, then no problem, but right now he's unemployed, plus he's a highschool drop out, meaning he doesnt make that much money. he needs to pay rent, needs to save for his family vacation and a digital camera. and yet he is hell bent on getting it for me. money doesnt buy happiness. and an obsenely expensive gift is not a way to show the love you have for me. and what's more, his birthday is coming up in less than a month, and personaly i dont want to spend a lot of money on his gift. i want to get him something he really needs or has really wanted. something that has a lot of thought behind it, so it will mean more to him. at the moment all i can think of is a j.h. pin (lamee i know) and this painting i did in art, that he really wants. like...i'm not a big fan of spending money. i'm cheap like my mother. but money shouldnt matter.
I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...
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