so, what do you do when your boyfriend wants to buy you a rich present for your birthday? if he had a good job or was insanely rich, then no problem, but right now he's unemployed, plus he's a highschool drop out, meaning he doesnt make that much money. he needs to pay rent, needs to save for his family vacation and a digital camera. and yet he is hell bent on getting it for me. money doesnt buy happiness. and an obsenely expensive gift is not a way to show the love you have for me. and what's more, his birthday is coming up in less than a month, and personaly i dont want to spend a lot of money on his gift. i want to get him something he really needs or has really wanted. something that has a lot of thought behind it, so it will mean more to him. at the moment all i can think of is a j.h. pin (lamee i know) and this painting i did in art, that he really wants. like...i'm not a big fan of spending money. i'm cheap like my mother. but money shouldnt matter.
this is the reason i broke up with him in the first place. because it was so much stress and it just seemed hopeless. i know that's a harsh word but its true. he's got so much on his plate and i dont want any more on mine. i have my own set of worries i need to take care of. but i cant just turn him away. the way he opened up to me...it litteraly moved me to tears. i feel his dispair, his depression. he has nothing. but i dont want him to have no one too. at the moment i feel thats all i can do; give him the comfort of knowing that i'm here for him, that he has me. contrairy to his beleifs he hasnt lost me. if he really had, i wouldnt have seen him yestrerday, or tuesday, or any times before that. we wouldnt have acted or talked the way we did if he'd truley lost me. his words stung because i felt his pain through them. his feelings soaking the words and turning them a different colour. i never told him to get the fuck out of my life, but it hurt to know thats how he fe
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