what they say anymore

it must be so wonderful, so great to be so sure. to know without a doubt what you need in order to attain indesputable happiness. is it that easy for everyone? have i not found it yet? or am i simply unable of acheiving it? this is the reason i can't believe in fate. I am never happy, never completely satisfied. i could believe that there's the one person i'm destined for and continue searching for this ellusive home in vain, passing by mediocraty. maybe it's true, but i dont believe it. i would sacrifice perfectly copable existences and slander other's hopes because mine are too grand. but should i have to deal with anything less than perfect? but there's no such thing as perfect. there's always this endless quest for self betterment. props to those who have found it. maybe it was a mere fluke. or maybe they're just telling themselves its perfect, telling themselves to be happy. maybe i'm afraid of happiness. no, i'm afraid of missing opportunities, of failure, of a half-existence. I cant turn my back on any opportunity. i don't want to be ashamed of the life i'm living, i just want to live.
i am an emotional packrat.

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neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

Life unfolding

Unfolding Like petals, new to the world Tired of crouching and hiding within protective walls. Bursting forth in response to the warmth of sunlight and community. The unfolding of a heart is uncomfortable work. No longer used to my dimensions, I bump and bash Graze delicate edges against the roughness of a new world. bruise petals as I dance through the days. The morning are toughest As I attempt to reopen my raw and reeling regalia Until the sun soothes the edges and I can relax once more Easing into each new day, Alight on the breeze. With new aspects to myself awakening, I catch the eye of new creatures animals insects and fellow flowers alike. It's exhilarating. Exhausting. To engage in a new age Edges expanding, This is evolution.

rude awakenings

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