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enter the struggler


Don't give up.

I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don't need a boss or a mother, you need your girlfriend. You need me to be me. True, that's what I am, but I am so much more as well. The label is unbecoming to me, a clumbsy word trying too hard to mean so much more than it is. There are no words fitting to do me justice in explanation. I am your girlfriend. I am myself. I am so much more than you think I am. You want me to be myself. You claim to know me but you've no idea. How can you, when I'm even unsure of who I am. There's an ugly side you're just beginning to witness and you're afraid, as am I. I haven't changed, far from it. But I'm growing up. I think it scares you as much as it does me. You're older than me but I'm older than you too. Years mean nothing it's what we've done with our years. I refuse to waste away in nothingness but you embrace your blithe disposition without question. You've given up. I haven't

Comments

Twisting by said…
are you going to let him read this? or maybe youve told him? but this was very powerful to me
...people are always who they are, they just grown...some call that changing i guess, if i dont like it usually call it change instead of growth i guess
May 7, 2009 at 8:19 PM
pihzaz said…
Aye aye aye, i felt like i was brent for a second...im a failure. But wow man. You're right you're only growing you're only moving forward you've always been the way you are just now he's starting to see different parts. He has no idea who you are but thats because you havent shown him and you shouldnt be afraid to.
May 8, 2009 at 11:54 AM
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