Simmer me down to the raw emotions, to only the most basic most essential situations. Dont place me in this world, I don't belong, I won't be happy there. Everything's a blur these days. I've almost forgotten who I am. Looking back I'm so confused. And looking ahead I lose the will to go on. Is there any point? I'm searching for an ellusive happiness. I often wonder if those movie directors were on crack, illustrating a rediculously hopeless dream, the luxury of knowing when something is indisputably meant to be, and never having any second thoughts. Those perfect happy smiles a painful poison to me. Some unattainable emotion, event, ending. Good things come to those who wait, though. I'm too young to complain, I just need to do what's right for me now. maybe one day I'll have a story book ending, but my story's just begun.
this is the reason i broke up with him in the first place. because it was so much stress and it just seemed hopeless. i know that's a harsh word but its true. he's got so much on his plate and i dont want any more on mine. i have my own set of worries i need to take care of. but i cant just turn him away. the way he opened up to me...it litteraly moved me to tears. i feel his dispair, his depression. he has nothing. but i dont want him to have no one too. at the moment i feel thats all i can do; give him the comfort of knowing that i'm here for him, that he has me. contrairy to his beleifs he hasnt lost me. if he really had, i wouldnt have seen him yestrerday, or tuesday, or any times before that. we wouldnt have acted or talked the way we did if he'd truley lost me. his words stung because i felt his pain through them. his feelings soaking the words and turning them a different colour. i never told him to get the fuck out of my life, but it hurt to know thats how he fe
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