the truth is at ephemeral as your breath

its getting better all the time [can't get no worse]
la la la. streaming streams of consciousness no rearranging or editing just the raw first impressions, first words first ideas. who knows what will come out, who cares. they're just words, so easily forgotten or remembered, it all depends on whoever wants what. I don't want anything most of the time. everything can shape me, influence me change me. I let everything under my skin too deep and it seeps in and takes over. mottles the original, the prior. before. before never matters, only in a sense of relativity to chart a certain progress, or lack of. Sometimes nothing seems to be moving forward, or in any direction for that matter. Like I'm stuck in mud, trying so hard to run until my legs give out but they're dragging through tons and tons of substance, feelings, emotions, memories, fears and tribulations. these inhibitions a safety net, soft to fall back on, lest we try too hard to leave everything and end up only falling back into it all, so much harder than before. blood in the streets it's up to my ankles, mud in the streets it's up to my knees. shiver shiver shiver.

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neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

Life unfolding

Unfolding Like petals, new to the world Tired of crouching and hiding within protective walls. Bursting forth in response to the warmth of sunlight and community. The unfolding of a heart is uncomfortable work. No longer used to my dimensions, I bump and bash Graze delicate edges against the roughness of a new world. bruise petals as I dance through the days. The morning are toughest As I attempt to reopen my raw and reeling regalia Until the sun soothes the edges and I can relax once more Easing into each new day, Alight on the breeze. With new aspects to myself awakening, I catch the eye of new creatures animals insects and fellow flowers alike. It's exhilarating. Exhausting. To engage in a new age Edges expanding, This is evolution.

rude awakenings

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