humans are a disease. A plague for the planet.

I am so afraid.
my reality, the foundation's built
by years of this society,
following blindly and simply,
and happily.
Have been shaken

I went to a slam.
I heard The most amazing poetry ever.
The most inspiring reader.
Everything she said made sense.
And I went home and I wrote.
and wrote.
And I was no longer in the world I grew up in
But I was.
But it was different
slightly altered.
It was on the level of energy
Instead of purely physical
it was intangible,
no borders,
everything flowed together
And I wrote for hours.
In my illegible chicken scratch
In my notebook for poetry.
I was running on tracks of other-worldly inspiration
Frightening.
Because I didn't know if I could believe anything of my past
I didn't know what was real
or what that word even meant.
What anything meant.
And now, I've gone back between the layers of shelter
of the modernist society
but I have traces still embeded in my brain
of this other world. this other dimension.

Je n'ai aucune idee quoi croire, a ce moment ici.
c'est effrayant, c'est curieuse.
P, je sais maintenant comment ca sent.

Comments

neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

Home

I looked back at blog entries, and even though the subject matter was less than pleasant to be reminded of, it was still good, I'm glad I have written reminders so I have points of reference to gauge my growth. And I've come far. I often feel like I've had three stages in my life. The first was with Brent, and though I was a newborn in love's eyes, I soon grew to an extremely old age. My heart was always cracked and my spirit became dulled. I became clogged with darkness, became tired and dragged myself through the days. But I never stopped. I stubbornly sacrificed myself each day for someone whom I thought it was going to help. I was wrong. The first day of my second stage was the day I stopped caring about him and finally focused on myself. I was free, and I was drunk with it. Too drunk. I dove into something that made me happy, too quick. I soon realized there were other ways to get hurt. this stage wasn't that defining, though I began to learn to take things as ...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

rude awakenings

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